Saturday, November 20, 2010


When I first saw him, I never even thought of knowing him or even knowing his name. He struck me like the first streak of lightning after a rainless season of a seemingly endless drought. He stood out amongst the hundreds of people around us. He’s unique. He’s one of a kind.

And so, the unexpected happened. He suddenly became closer than I thought or even expect of. He’s within my grasp. He’s technically two inches away from me. And still I can’t do anything about it. I guess, with all this crap, the most painful experience is when thinking of you can almost do anything but just because you think more about yourself and how other people see you … you can’t do shit about something. All you can do is fantasize … mentally conjure possible “futures” for the two of you, or look from a distance …. Smile …. Cringe … then … move on with your day to day activities.

But as if I was left with no choice, I was as vulnerable as a dog howling during full moon. I couldn’t help it. It’s the way I see him and it’s the way he sees me. He has this demeanor that can totally disarm me in a split second. He wouldn’t bat an eye lash, he knows how I feel towards him yet I don’t feel any defense mechanism or even awkwardness and that made everything even more harsh and complicated.

And although I have thought that this mere infatuation would lead me nowhere and that the probability was like hitting a $260 M jackpot in the lottery in a lifetime, I still nurtured and, worse, tried to pursue it, with the selfless thought that MAYBE something might change and that I would be lucky by him reciprocating the strong feelings I have toward him.

The good part was I knew that this was coming and it’ll lead to a disaster… the bad part was ….. I didn’t do anything about it …. And I just keep on holding on.

And it was just because I LIKED HIM. I liked seeing him. I liked talking to him. I liked being with him.
Luckily, I was equipped with enough bitterness and with enough heartaches that I let myself turn the silly infatuation off. It’s one skill that I am proud that I have and one skill that I have perfect through hard times. All

I needed was a BIG RED SIGN TO STOP …. And that flashed in front of me undoubtingly telling me to FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

It was not easy.

But, at least now, I am very confident to say … that I have experienced the day the infatuation died

Sunday, November 14, 2010


I don’t really know what kind of air got into my head and I decided to, once again, blog. Well, post-birthday-depression could have somewhat attributed to this.

I don’t like celebrating birthdays. Birthdays for me is a bittersweet pill that you have to swallow, which will never fail to make you feel older --- one year closer to doom! (Evil laugh! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
But I had no choice but to drink four consecutive nights away. For others, they might look at it as a “long playing” birthday celebration, but for me (and for others who are close enough to know me), it’s part of the weekly routine. No biggie!

HAPPY NOTE: I received an awesome gift from the team -- E-CIGARETTE. I'm not yet nicotine free but for four days.... i have been a MARLBORO-free person! I lav et!

On a sad note, I guess it’s worth blogging that I’ve been saddened by the recent news that “Little Boy” will be leaving SITEL and moving on to another company.

So Friday was his last day, it’s pay day, and it’s the day after my birthday. Me and the “boys” went all the way to Cambridge (so soshal, right …) to finally put the Lady Gaga number together. The jamming was a blast, at the end of the two hour “rehearsals” (they don’t even say “rehearsals”), came the birth of a new genre … ha ha ha …. GLAMCORE … and as the “boys” put it – MALANDING HARDCORE! (tumbling!)

We all ended up in CUBAO EXPO. I’ve been there once, I couldn’t even remember when, and it was day time. I never thought that nights in CUBAO EXPO can be as exciting and interesting as the thrifty-hard-to-find-artsy-fartsy stores there.

We found ourselves in one of drinking spots there,“Mogwai”, which was awesome with all its artsy set-up, and all that “antique”, “deconstructed” and old-Filipino world feel.
It’s also worth exclaiming that the beer is cheap and the food is good. (Bacon-Liver with Mashed Potato is a must!)

Entirely, CUBAO EXPO is a Petri dish of anything unusual, with the perfect blend of evenly diversified people in all shapes and sizes – musicians, designers, writers, deviant students and even bums who consider “bumming” as an expression of ART and passion!

I really enjoyed that night with the “boys”.

Speaking of boys, let me just say that I generally grew up in a “male-centered” family. I have two older brothers, all my cousins are boys, my dad, who was very open about him being a “bad boy”, and my grand dad who used to be a cop. So, my (super)mom was the only feminine figure when I was growing up. Fortunately, her influence to me is far more greater that all the testosterone around me.

But I want to talk about testosterone. The word “bromance” has been thrown all around me these past few weeks because I have let myself be surrounded by boys (not in a bukkake way).

So I tried to do a little research and according to Wikipedia: Bromance is combination of the words bro or brother and romance. Editor Dave Carnie coined the term in the skateboard magazine Big Brother in the 1990s to refer specifically to the sort of relationships that develop between skaters who spent a great deal of time together. (source:

Well, I’m just happy to know that at this day and age, men are more open to this kind of stuff without actually blurring the thin line of sexuality.